my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
