You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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