I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am puke
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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