I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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