your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
