He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
