she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
