You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
