Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
