Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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