Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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