Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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