I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
