Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
