3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I met the friendliest cop last night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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