Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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