I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
