Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
