Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
