Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
