There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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