I wish I could punch you in the face.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
