He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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