A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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