im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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