According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she pinky promised me she was 18
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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