I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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