party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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