areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
