my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
