im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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