Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
