the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
