Girls should come with a carfax report
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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