Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
