Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
