Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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