butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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