new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
