dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
