Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
