i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
