I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
