You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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