Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
