I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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