he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
