Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
