Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
