We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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