she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
