i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This is not my ceiling
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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