i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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