You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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