matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she peed on how many people?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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