i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
