I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
