oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
