I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
