the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
smell my finger.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
