i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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