i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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