Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
