Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
