It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
