My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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