so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
