Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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