I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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