my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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